January 2009 - "Left on the shelf"

January 2009

I’m overseas on holiday at the moment. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster in terms of my thinking about the future. I’ve had to adapt a bit, not being in Catholic countries for the past 6 weeks. I’ve been saying the Divine Office and doing my best to make it to Sunday Mass (I’ve heard it in some interesting languages), when I’m not in the middle of nowhere. I’ve been feeling really sad today and a bit “left on the shelf”. A few of my close friends have become engaged recently. I just always have wanted to get married and have lots of children and I feel scared that that’s not going to happen for me. Although I feel so blessed to be living chastely I feel really removed and disconnected from all those feelings of love and flirting and the amazing thrill of being in love or having a crush. I feel like I won’t find the right person for me and it’s all quite sad really. I don’t know what God wants for me. I’ve been spending a lot of time praying about my vocation (i.e., asking God for a husband!).

November 2008 - Reflecting on the past, thinking about the future

I’m still so thankful to God for everything that’s happened in my life over the past few months. I spend a lot of time thinking about how much I could feel the Holy Spirit at WYD and what a beautiful, special feeling it was to go to confession and also to do Eucharistic Adoration with the Pope. I feel so close to my sisters and my parents as well. Finding my prayer group at the Cathedral, getting to know my wonderful parish priest and making some amazing new friends has been really special. Now I always look forward to Thursdays for prayer group! I remember one Thursday we had Adoration and we read a passage from the New Testament about the apostles being caught in a storm while in the boat and having Jesus calm the storm and I thought about how amazing it would be to have Jesus there with you. I immediately felt Jesus say to me "I am here with you now” and I felt so much peace.

… recently I said a Novena to St Anthony to find me Catholic friends and a Catholic husband. That night I met two wonderful Catholic friends. So far no husband though! I’ve started praying the Rosary daily and I love it, it’s my favourite prayer…

…I’ve just been on retreat and I loved it. I did Eucharistic Adoration in the middle of the night and I prayed especially for my best friend and my parents. I spent time reflecting on the woman in Luke 7 who anoints Jesus and it brought tears to my eyes. I feel like that woman.

One thing I’ve taken away from this retreat is the potential of finding a fantastic partner. There are so many handsome, strong and devoutly Catholic men here and I think God showed me that so that I could relax and know that my future spouse is out there and that he comes from a very special group of men. This has been very renewing for me and has made me smile many times the past few days. Thinking about how God has moved me in the past few months has got me wondering about how what he has in store for me, what is to come and what my real potential is. This weekend I met the Dominican Sisters of Saint Cecelia – Sister Mary Madeleine gave the most beautiful talk on Mary. Another talk this weekend was on the Bible – that’s my next big commitment. I’m really looking forward to reading it much more! One very moving thing about this weekend was meeting two young men who are about to enter the Seminary. I think they are fantastic role models and it was really wonderful to meet them.

September 2008 - Changes

It’s finally spring! I’ve made some important changes in my life and I can feel that things are already better. WYD has brought me much closer to God and I’m very thankful for that. I’m going to Mass a couple of times a week, confession once a fortnight, prayer group once a week, and reading lots of great books (i.e., about Theology of the Body). I realised just how far I had moved away from God and it makes me quite sad. Society feeds so many messages and values that are very far removed from getting me where I want to be in my life. I find it takes quite a bit of strength, courage and understanding to keep your focus on what’s important.

I feel really happy, relaxed and free. I’ve put meeting my future husband into God’s hands – the best move I’ve made! I think the hardest thing is actually trying to explain to others how I’ve changed. Lots of people don’t understand and I realise it is a very big shift for me. People vary in terms of how accepting they are.

July 2008 - Post WYD

July 2008

Following WYD I feel really close to God and I feel much clearer about what’s important to me. I feel peaceful and content in lots of ways and I feel like I’ve reconnected with being Catholic, which I’m so glad to have done. I attended confession for the first time in many years and I’m amazed at how that feels. I’d been carrying that around for a long time. I’ve remembered all the great things about being Catholic, not just the negative ones that can get focussed on when you live a mainstream, secular life.

My sister is a great inspiration to me in terms of her religion, it’s really great. It’s just such a serene, uplifting experience being with so many Catholics and making it a visible, key part of your life. The Spanish priest I confessed to asked me if I had prayed for a husband and I said yes and he said “you can pray with great confidence”. I feel it clarified a lot of feelings I’d been having about being single and how I feel like I know what I want and what I’ve waited for and it’s not something or anything I know isn’t right. I don’t feel any urgency because I know it will happen when it’s right.

I feel like it is very important to me to marry a Catholic man because I think keeping faith and living a Catholic life. I feel like I have to constantly defend my faith and lots of the people I know are anti-Christian.

Anne Marie: Why am I doing this?

Ok, so why am I doing this and where to start?! I have a couple of reasons for deciding to do this: I thought it might help organise my thoughts (!); much of the information/reading material on discernment that I’ve come across is retrospective (i.e., people talking about their journey from the point of view of hindsight, after they’ve figured out which path they are going to take); and I thought this is the kind of thing that would really help me, so if it helps one other person on their discernment journey then that’s a great thing. In terms of where to start, I’m going to rewind to World Youth Day Sydney, almost twelve months ago.

First Volunteer: "Anne Marie"

Our first volunteer to share their vocation journey with us is "Anne Marie". Here are her stats:

Name: Anne Marie
Gender: Female
Age: Twenties
Vocation: Religious Life

Anne Marie is seriously considering a religious vocation. As she delves deeper into what she believes may be her calling, she's going to share her journey with us. I will post her entries on this blog as she sends them to me.

About This Blog

I was thinking that it would be really fascinating and helpful for people discerning their vocation to be involved in the process as others go through it. I think if someone is seriously discerning their vocation and is actively making decisions at the moment - perhaps they're in a serious relationship, or they're thinking seriously about becoming a priest - perhaps have already contacted their priest or bishop about this, or if they're looking at religious communities - it would be great for us to be able to know what these people are thinking, how they're going about discerning their vocation at this stage - i.e. what actions they're taking towards their vocation.

What I'm thinking is that someone who is seriously considering a particular vocation and is taking steps to further their discernment process (as mentioned above - I'm thinking about the later stages rather than just having a vague notion) then perhaps they might want to share this process with us in a diary or blog format on this group.

These diaries are a product of the Xt3 group Considering Your Call. If you haven't heard of Xt3.com it's a fantastic Catholic social networking site - check it out.

Contents

Follow the journey of our volunteers as they record their process of discernment as it happens.

Contents

About This Blog

Anne Marie: Religious Life
Introducing "Anne Marie"
Why am I doing this?
July 2008 - Post WYD
September 2008 - Changes
November 2008 - Reflecting on the past, thinking about the future
January 2009 - "Left on the shelf"


Katherine: Still Discerning
Introducing "Katherine"
Where It All Began"


Janelle: Consecrated Life
Introducing Janelle