January 2009 - "Left on the shelf"

January 2009

I’m overseas on holiday at the moment. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster in terms of my thinking about the future. I’ve had to adapt a bit, not being in Catholic countries for the past 6 weeks. I’ve been saying the Divine Office and doing my best to make it to Sunday Mass (I’ve heard it in some interesting languages), when I’m not in the middle of nowhere. I’ve been feeling really sad today and a bit “left on the shelf”. A few of my close friends have become engaged recently. I just always have wanted to get married and have lots of children and I feel scared that that’s not going to happen for me. Although I feel so blessed to be living chastely I feel really removed and disconnected from all those feelings of love and flirting and the amazing thrill of being in love or having a crush. I feel like I won’t find the right person for me and it’s all quite sad really. I don’t know what God wants for me. I’ve been spending a lot of time praying about my vocation (i.e., asking God for a husband!).